I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
