Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
