I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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