Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
