I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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