I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
