I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
