I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
