we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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