hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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