I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
