I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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