Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
