i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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