well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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