They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
