worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
