i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
