Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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