if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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