At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
