i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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