i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
