I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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