Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
