I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
