You made me cry and you don't even care
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
