I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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