Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
