I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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