Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
