It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
