shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
