): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
