All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
