Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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