yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The adults are the big ones right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
