shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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