ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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