Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
