I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
