Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
