It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
even my farts smell like vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
