Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
