I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You made out with two different species that night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
