Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
