I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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