just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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