So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
