she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're a waste of cheezeits
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
