Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
