I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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